Christmas and Merideth

Because Natalie and Merideth were born the same month, it is easy for me to keep track of where Merideth would be developmentally. I distinctly remember that Natalie started sitting up at Christmas, and we have a picture of her barely sitting and playing with her toy. It is hard for me to imagine Merideth as a five month-old doing the same kinds of things. I do think of her every day, but I generally don’t dwell on what I don’t have. Before she was born I cried many times over at the possibility of losing her and thinking about what I would be missing out on, but surprisingly those worries have not been on my mind as much since.

At Sam’s funeral Sue talked about how everyone has a spiritual gift and she shared some beautiful thoughts about Sam’s gift. I have pondered that often and have concluded that Merideth’s gift is peace. In the time she was with us there was not a hovering feeling of fear. In faith we focused on what we had been guided to do, and our days with her were full and joyful. My memories continue to be peaceful. Considering the many worries I had before she was born and the strength and peace I continue to feel, I believe that is her gift.

Christmas was still full of reminders of Merideth in gifts given and received. Every year Aaron and I find an ornament that represents something from that year. I knew months ago what I wanted to do, and I am pleased with how it came together.

A special gift we received was from my sister-in-law Katy who offered to make a digital scrapbook of Merideth and have it printed. To have a completed scrapbook of a child is an amazing gift in itself, since I have hardly pasted anything on paper from Natalie’s 2 ½ years. When I think of the time put into gathering and arranging the pictures, I am overwhelmed. I’m grateful that there is lots of room on the pages to write my thoughts, when I find the quiet time to do that. (scroll down to see the pictures on the bottom right of the blog).

We have pictures of Merideth throughout the house and Natalie often talks about her to me or in her playing. We talk about family and mention Merideth in our prayers. Her memory and spirit are truly alive in our home.