Six Week Check-up

It is amazing how quickly time has passed by for us. At the beginning of August the days just seemed to loom ahead, but I’ve gradually felt more energy as my body has recovered and I find renewed patience and delight being with Natalie. I would even say life feels “normal.” Of course, I think about Merideth every day. I have moments of melancholy, but I am not sad or depressed by any means. Sometimes I wonder if there is something wrong with me that I am not more sad at this point, but I think that a lot of grieving occurred even before Merideth was born. That’s not to say that I am totally healed, either. I know there are still rough times ahead. But it does help to have Natalie to take care of and keep my mind occupied and to find other projects to work on and look for ways to help others.

This next bit I probably wouldn’t ordinarily share but feel like other moms in this situation might appreciate relating to it. This past week was my (longer than) six week follow-up with the doctor. I thought I was fairly well prepared for it mentally, but there was a slight feeling of self-consciousness that I was there without a baby. I personally thought I was holding up pretty well and was cheerful and approachable enough, although the nurses seemed to feel awkward and did not try to make small talk. At least my doctor gave me a hug when she came in and we had a good visit. She said that Merideth was beautiful, which, of course, every mother loves to hear. It was nice to talk openly with her and feel understood about my current feelings and receive advice about future visits. Although my doctor does not foresee worries about future babies, she says they will still want to be extra careful looking at the ultrasounds and will probably send me to a specialist just to be sure there are no major concerns.