Family have gone home, Aaron has returned to work and Natalie and I have begun to settle back into our daily activities. But that does not mean that things are “back to normal” as people sometimes ask. Whatever was normal before Merideth was born and even before we found out about her problem or that we were expecting will never be the same. There is a new normal when someone has a healthy baby, too, because there are adjustments for everyone in the family. My life will never be the same because of Merideth’s life and because I’ve had a baby die.
On the other hand, yes, we are returning to our routine. It is especially good for Natalie to have Mom’s attention and to have a more regular eating and sleeping schedule. It is good for me to be able to return to household tasks. I’ve noticed, however, that in addition to adjusting to a death that my body is also still recovering from having a baby. I did have a very good delivery and recovery at the hospital, but I know I don’t have as much energy as my pre-pregnant self and that I am still probably catching up on lack of sleep from a newborn and related stress over the past two weeks.
And how are we doing? I think we are still in that stage of grief where things feel unreal. It particularly feels unreal that the funeral was just on Monday—it feels like it was much longer ago, like at least a month. As Aaron has said, it feels like we had Merideth forever and it feels like she has been gone forever. The feelings of peace from the funeral stayed with us for a few days and that was so nice, but as life starts to move on those feelings have faded for me somewhat. There have been a few tears, and I know that as we move through the grieving process there will be many more. Thanks for your continued prayers and words of comfort.
Footsteps for fertility
12 years ago
10 comments:
Thank you so much for setting up this blog for others to see. I too lost my little girl. She was born without kidneys. I have over the years seen many blessings that have come with her passing. We as a family strive harder to live righteously so we can all be with her again. I also know that the Lord sees the whole picture and what we see as a trial will one day be seen as a true blessing. I'm so happy that you were able to have your daughter for 9 days. I held mine for an hour before her passing. I pray you will find comfort in the gospel and family who is anxious to lend their support. With love-
Thanks for sharing your thoughts. I wonder every day how you are doing. I was sad to miss Merideth's funeral - we were out of town - but my thoughts and prayers were with you. Your strength is incredible, Diana.
bless you, diana. bless you.
Hey Diana,
I never know what to say when I see you. I just wanna give you a big hug but then don't know if you want one or I want to ask how you're doing but it's obvious just on your face what life is like for you and sometimes being asked over and over can get overwhelming/annoying but then if I don't say anything I feel rude as if I don't care but I DO. I saw you at church and just ached for you and Aaron. You are so amazing to be so strong. Know that we are always thinking of you and hope that everyday can just get a little bit better. I think time is the only thing that will help you not feel so much pain. If you need ANYTHING, please don't hesitate to call. I'm always available to help you out. I'm sure you have others to call, esp. family but just know I'm here too.
I feel like Jessica, I don't know what to say, because I don't want to make things harder for you. But I do care, and I want you to know that you are still in my thoughts and prayers and I'm here to help wherever and however I can.
Paula
We're still rooting for all of you! We would love to stop in while we are Utah this weekend and give you the DVD & more bows for Natalie. We will call you. We love you!
Thinking of you... wishing I could just pop on over with some dinner and to see if you want to make fun cards like the "old days".
Your post sounds a little to familiar for me. I completely understand the hard adjustment this time can be. You will survive it and adjust to your new normal somehow...because you have to.
The feelings of peace are still there, but just harder to find as the grief settles around you. Remember the grieving process is also a healing process...and tears are a part of that. All will be well...hang in there...the Lord will continue to bless you and be with you and your family.
I think about you every day and pray for you and your family. If you ever need anything just call me, I'm more than happy to help out. If you ever need time to yourself I would be happy to watch Natalie for you. I am with everyone else, I never know what to say exactly, I don't want to stir up emotions. But I do want you to know that I'm thinking about you each day and want you to know I'm here if you need me. ((HUGS))
Look for a card in the mail from me. I know I'm late, but it's coming. I can't believe how hard it must be to recover from pregnancy and labor and be grieving for your baby at the same time. Sending lots of love.
Cynthia
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